just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
