Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
