I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
