i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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