threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
