so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
