Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
