Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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