yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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