My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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