This is not my ceiling
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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