the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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