If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
