I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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