i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
