there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
