mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
