dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize
