I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
