You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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