Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize