wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
