He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I'd cum for enchiladas.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
