Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
