What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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