Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
