I like to think it a success when the cops are called
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
