i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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