Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Randomize
