no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Are we still banned from the library?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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