I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
did you just send me my own nude
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
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