we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
