roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
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