A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
