Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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