my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
