i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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