Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
