I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
