Buhtt sex?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
