So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Can you bring me the toilet please
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
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