Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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