Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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