Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
