Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
