ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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