erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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