I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
