mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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