Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
