so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
