sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
