so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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