Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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