My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
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