talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
