I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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