it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
