why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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