I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
