sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize