I will die if light touches me.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
