my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I can't turn off my feet"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
you never un-have a 4some
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
