I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
