Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
