It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
