are you still at the devil's house?
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
