So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
