I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
