i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Sorry about my life...
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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