It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
