My liver just broke up with me...
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize
