The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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