stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
