i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
