Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
She said her name was "party"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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